Pain

Pain is an ever present force that deals with us all to some degree. Mankind is a magnet for pain and its cronies. We possess infinitely intricate nervous systems with receptors that allow us to consciously perceive and feel pain as vibrantly as the pangs of a thunderstorm. Yet we can completely discount this facility to interpret the force of pain.

Much of our existence can be spent feverishly avoiding pain of any kind at all costs. Billion dollar industries exist solely to provide us with cornucopias of methods of achieving numbness. Our aversion to pain has been commodified and we allow these earthly industries to thrive via our fear. 

Why do we fear pain? 

It seems at this point we might understand that pain is inevitable. If it is impossible for us to beat pain in a foot race then why do we spend most of our lives trying to outrun it?

I believe that we fear pain because it is a sharp reminder to us of how little control we have over our environments and lives. With centuries of proof behind the history of human resilience we still choose to run from something that is a feeling. 

Circumstances are not intrinsically painful outside of physical violence. It is the emotional data we assign to circumstances that give us the ability to feel pain over them. 

I am by no means discounting the need for certain medicines used in the event of tragedies or emergencies. I am more so addressing our emotional obsession with preventing even the slightest bits of discomfort here in America.

I hear absolutely incredible stories of individuals and communities rising up under the weight of crippling circumstances and being delivered to the other side more complete and healthier than they were before when life was normal. 

I believe pain is a force and advocate of refinement. I believe we have the ability to feel and experience pain because we are meant to. Our brilliant nervous system has been placed within us for the very purpose of experiencing, knowing, and understanding ourselves and our environments through the mechanism of pain. We can not ignore the tools we have been given to understand the very things we run from.  

There is a reason why our bodies atrophy when we neglect to exercise or provide correct nutrition. Our capacity to overcome and fight for what is true can atrophy when we refuse to face pain. 

If avoiding and never feeling pain were the answer then you would think at this rate that the suicide and addiction rates in our country would be evaporating. The methods, means, and substances we employ to take pain out of our lives wind up controlling us and rendering us ineffective. 

My alcoholism was fueled exponentially the more I refused to confront the actual cause of my self medication. My escapism from pain led me straight to a grander destruction.Our demons feed off of the parts of ourselves we neglect. We neglect that which we are afraid to know.  

Facing myself soberly every day has grown me to where I can look at myself for exactly who I am. Developing this firm stance in who I am greatly diminishes the fear of pain. Accepting pain and allowing it to be a natural pruning agent in my life is a moment by moment decision that becomes easier to make daily. 

I am not Rambo. I am not Stonewall Jackson. That is not the answer any more than ignorance is. I still give in to fear. But I am working increasingly at staring pain (in whatever form it presents itself) right in it’s face to see what I’m up against. Sometimes once you get a good look you realize it’s not as bad as you thought and you don’t have to short change yourself with fear.

Other times it may be your worst nightmare and it will hurt like hell to confront it. 

In any case, we will never learn what we are made of if we give in to any alternative of growth. We do not grow when we search for a detour or bypass what cannot be simply skipped over. 

We are not in control. We were never meant to be. The more we attempt to control the more room we give fear to grow in our own fallibility. Surrendering control and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is how we take the teeth out of our fear of pain. 

Pain is not the end-all, be-all. Pain may break us but it is so that we can heal into a more whole creation. Once we begin our journey towards wholeness we can reject a fear based mentality sold to us by industry and refuse the world’s tactics of consumer dehumanization. This will slowly start to reverse the vicious behavior cycles and statistics of a hurting society.

In fleeing from pain we are evacuating from a higher and deeper realization of our own identity. My challenge for us all is to stand up against addiction, the past, circumstances beyond our control, tragedy, and the world at large alert and sober that we might change because pain never will. 

Life, Right Now

What is a man’s life to him before it leaves him? 

Is it ever known or perceived for what it truly is? Or is life only understood once it has passed?

Is life possible of being held or is it a notion only witnessed in retrospect?

I am constantly grappling with my own understanding of life and determining the balance between joy and burden here on earth.  

I believe joy is realized and experienced in the present moment, taking hold of the only thing we actually have. I know that living in the past and/or dwelling too much on the uncertainty of the future creates the weight of burden. 

I have learned both sides of this coin well from experience.

If true joy and satisfaction are within the present moment why would we ever look elsewhere or go beyond the parameters of right now

Man has always exhibited a dissatisfaction with reality as it stands. We obsess over creating technology and products to “enhance” our experience of and interaction with reality. 

Because we are fleeting beings and our time here in this realm is short we can tend to feel scolded by the things that will outlast us instead of seeking to learn from them. 

Reality is ever elapsing and our appetites for understanding are stretched to pop the seems of consciousness. 

Man can tend to think if he isn’t in control of his own dying day then something must be very wrong with the world at large. This is why we struggle to build, earn, conquer, race, prove, and last in this environment of life. We just want to feel like for a moment that we aren’t a wisp of smoke in the universe. 

So we search everywhere but the one place our own two feet are planted for fulfillment. I believe this is why we can look up and a year has come and gone and we’ve barely made it up and gotten our britches on all the way. 

Our focus is on what we can’t change. 

Leave the inevitable to infinity. If I am going to die and there’s nothing I can do about it then I want to get after some living right now.  

I am not saying that I think I will ever possess a clear understanding or explanation for what life is. What I am saying is that I do understand very well that my life is on it’s way to an end but I am here right now. The horizon is the horizon because it is beyond me. The grandeur of the beyond professes perfect gravity into the present. 

If I let God be God then I can leave the burden of eternity to Him and take joy in the fact that I am human instead of nothing. If I am indeed but a wisp of smoke then panicking will only make my moment under the sun more fleeting instead of a waking revelation of creation. 

Life is right this very second and I am human more than Ive ever been. In knowing this I desire to see my existence for what it is. I don’t want to have to bend over ass backwards at the end of my days to try to catch a glimpse of what happened to me.

I want to be right now what I am so afraid I will miss down the road. 

When my life leaves me I want to laugh heartily with the peace of a man who saw life for what it was. A man who lived life for what is was worth. A man not quaking in fear of the final moment because I could have done more. 

I will be what I am when I find joy in the space between the seconds. I don’t have to take on the burden of the unknown because joy begets joy. This moment and all we know is passing and I will choose to smile that forever is right here and not yet all at once. We must choose to let go control of our passing and resist the temptation to cling on to this world in fear so that we may be open to the realization of our true nature and purpose.

We will no longer be dissatisfied with reality when we cease our efforts to stay ahead of it. 

Life is the hope of an enduring city that is to come. Take joy that the horizon knows precisely where it stands and it will harken our spirits to know what only we can in this moment as passersby in a strange land. 

An Admission, An Embrace

I am a microscopic peon obsessed with the grains of sand in the details. I have a myriad of mental and emotional instabilities. I fixate on things outside of my control (which is nearly everything). If you haven’t seen me in a bit there is a sure fire chance that I am isolating myself away from everyone developing new reaches of psychosis.

When left to my own devices I will starve before I trust anyone or anything. Given the choice between enjoying a picnic and staring into the absolute obsidian of the abyss I tend to choose the latter. 

This is an admission. I hear that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery. So from this point forward I consider myself a recovering……..person. I am a recovering human being. 

I know for certain that hoping these traits of mine will eventually vanish within the quicksand of my interior wilderness is a lost cause. Ignoring the ways and inclinations of my personality only hastens the occurrences of these imbalances rearing their ugly heads. 

This human condition can weigh heavily about our shoulders in a multitude of fashions. Some of us are naturally dead set and blessed with positive mindsets towards life as skin covered molecule conventions. Others of us (ME, for instance) take up our condition as a burden that must be carried, without help, until relieved by forever. 

I have tried to romanticize the way I internalize existence by claiming that I am philosophical or a poet or a realist or an over thinker or Paul Thomas Anderson’s long lost brother. This rationale simply runs out of gas. The mind and spirit exhaust when used as a diesel engine for a sin filled mechanism. 

I don’t know exactly why I am the things I am admitting to you. Maybe it’s part history and genetics. Maybe it’s the time we live in. Maybe it is one hundred percent my choosing because I think it is what I deserve. 

This is the embrace part. 

The measure of the affects my design flaws have on me is equal to how much I have not allowed myself to be known or loved. I wish it were more complex than this but I am learning that there is more dignity in vulnerability than in pride (see first paragraph). 

It is not up to my own strength alone to fix my extremities. I am broken. My mind is severely crooked and my heart has evil tendencies. That is what “my strength” has gotten me. 

I must embrace in love what I can not fix. I must surrender the tools of my hatred and be a friend to the disturbed factions within me. 

Recognition of myself in my most vulnerable human state and looking on what I see with love is how I learn to live with myself in acceptance that I may grow into health. 

When I focus on my flaws and issues without hope or love I withdraw to isolation. The weight of my soul’s predicament crushes me. 

This is why I am striving to learn to recognize my predicament within my person but not dwell on the weight of the implications. 

I must use this recognition as a call to engage in more community and release myself from the obsession of details. The inner workings of our souls and this world are important but when I zoom in and stare for too long I lose perspective on reality. 

When I share my journey with others and encourage those around me it balances and focuses my awareness in the right direction. 

This openness pulls me out of the trenches of the traits that I can allow to befall me. The traits I have recognized and admitted I possess can become points of strength when I bring them into the light of community. I must know myself and allow myself to be know by others in community.

My fixation can be turned to giving of my energy to those who need to be reminded of their worth. My obsession can become loving the down trodden. 

My feelings of instability can become grounds for me to relate in connection to others who may feel the same. My propensity to isolate can become a revelation of just how much I need community. My mistrust can be surrendered knowing that pain is inevitable but love is a sacrifice that must be made. 

Changing the worst things about me start with embracing the hurting parts of my life that produce them. The worst things can now become healed and new. 

My name is Rhett and I am a recovering person. I don’t want to admit it but I need you. I need help. I think we all might. I vow to live in this admission and embrace and hope we get the chance to cross paths as recovering humans one day. 

Temptation

Giving in to temptation will never make you who you are meant to be but fighting it will. 

Temptation is the distraction we allow to entertain us while we are deceived that our purpose will never arrive. Temptation draws us away from our friends, families, homes, and own hearts. It is a luring force that plays on our insecurities. If the people, places, things, and thoughts that temptation uses to prod us were of any merit or benefit then why does it require us leaving our station? 

Our station in life is where we have decided to dig in to pursue our purpose. Baby step by baby step we invest our hearts, minds, and lives into the communities we thrive amongst. 

Temptation attempts to lead us away from our station in community to leave our investments unguarded. If we lose sight of what we have invested in over many months and years then we can quickly discount our steadfastness as a measure of false hope. We cut our strive towards purpose off at the knee. What is false always conceals itself to convince us that everything else is a lie. 

The truth never hides it’s intentions or motives. The truth speaks plainly to our faces what will happen if we invest in it by trust. The false nature of temptation is fueled by our momentary lapses in judgement. Temptation plays on our emotions and feelings because it knows that these human sensations are fleeting. 

How many times have we squandered our greatest potential in a moment because we felt sad or alone or upset? Temptation is a vacuum for potential. It steals all the potential we will allow it to take and uses that power to redefine our identity. We are foreclosed on and short sold in a moment of our own insecurity. 

We can be our own greatest enemy but we are also our greatest defender. We must protect what we know to be true of ourselves. We must not abandon our stations in life and maintain a confident foothold in front of our investments ( growth, worth, and community). We have to know that our “Yes” and “No” are weighted in pure gold as our sword and shield.   

When temptation loses it’s ability to seduce us we become bastions of influence and freedom that take hold of the truth deception is warring against. We become warriors for ourselves, our families, and our communities. 

If we are not headed in the right direction, towards hope and fulfillment, then why is temptation coming out of the woodwork like wildfire to sell us a detour? It is imperative for us to understand our enemy so that we do not forfeit to it’s seemingly friendly sales pitch. Temptation’s true nature always becomes clear once we have submitted to it’s fraud. A snarling and starved dog will whimper after it has had it’s fill. 

Our enemy lies within the duality of our own nature. We can not trust our own hearts that are counting down beat by beat. Our fleshly and lower nature is what is provoked by temptation. Our flesh can be prodded by what feels comforting or validating in a singular moment of insecurity. 

Our spiritual and higher nature is what speaks to us within about what we truly need to thrive. When we invest in our higher nature it builds self control that we can employ to withstand the temptations our flesh flails to cash in on. 

The spirit and flesh we all possess have been given to us as a checks and balances system so that through our free will we can choose what is contrary to our feelings to give our spirits what is truly life giving. We must invest in our spirit’s well being to know the lie of temptation when it attempt’s to use our flesh against us and feed on our potential. 

The truth resonates with our higher selves, they are synonymous. We can invest in ourselves to stay the course of purpose by prayer, internal reflection, sharing in community, and seeking healing of hurt. 

When beauty does not know itself it can be deceived to use it’s gift as a bargaining chip rather than protecting the value of it’s worth. 

Your life is beautiful. Your station in this life is purposeful. Your potential is your spirit’s hope of fulfillment that must be protected. 

We must fight and not give in to the distraction of temptation and we will see ourselves exactly as we are : Completely loved forces of creation that change the Earth by truth. 

Trying

Why do I try SO hard?

I have recently been searching for an explanation for why I put myself through a hellfire and brimstone level of consternation in my efforts to produce meaningful work. I need a revelation as to why I have built a wall to bludgeon my forehead against hoping that I’ll eventually break through to purpose after I’ve had enough punishment. 

My mother tells me that even as an infant it became glaringly clear that I held myself (and those around me) to a very high standard. If I was playing Jurassic Park I was going to be the best damn Velociraptor you’d ever laid eyes on even if no one had asked me to be or had a concept of how a sub par Velociraptor behaves in spite of it’s prehistoric insecurities.  Somewhere, somehow as a child I learned to internally become the coach that stands next to you at the chin up bar while you are struggling to lift yourself up flush with all your might and is barking for one more rep, discounting all of the completed pull ups. I was the coach and the scrawny runt attempting to accomplish and measure up to some weirdly cultural measuring stick of achievement. Judge and the jury. All rise for the honorably skeptical Judge Noland. 

I have always been there to let myself know just how much all of my previous efforts and accomplishments have fallen short and what is expected of myself next time (what is expected has always either been ludicrous or impossible). 

So what does one do with oneself when found smack dab in the middle of ludicrous and impossible at the hand of one’s own expectations?    

Well if I cut myself some slack and slide off the chopping block of my own scrutiny how will I ever accomplish something truly great and meaningful?? 

What I am finding right in between my high standards and my unhealthy expectations of myself is the present moment. Like the very moment in which I am typing the words you are now reading. I am no longer who I was when I made a decision last month and am not yet who I hope to be next year. I am someone who is in the process of being. I am a human who is halfway through a breath. Inhale then exhale, and there it is, the present moment.  I have to be accepting of who I am in this moment or else I am holding my future self hostage with my past rap sheet as the gunman. Stale mate and check mate. I have been in a Cold War with myself for one too many moons. 

I am learning that I can hold myself to a high standard without condemning how I reach for it. I can expect great things in considerable amounts from myself without keeping score or docking my own pay by means of withholding happiness or contentment from myself. I can exist in a constant state of growth without punishing myself for the parts of my life that need to be pruned.   

It’s not about giving myself a break. I’ll never have a break from myself until the Good Lord sees it fit to take me. It’s about finding a stride and momentum; a pace. A pace where one foot leads by acceptance and the other follows by grace. This means of momentum defeats TRYING in all of it’s tiresome propaganda. No more finger wagging at my reflection in the mirror at the end of a day where I didn’t “do enough”. No more chin ups. No more measuring up. No more self hatred. I am done trying. Trying implies that I am suspicious of failure. 

I am going to start buying stock in who I know myself to be right now. My stock prices will rise not when I achieve enough but when I know that I am enough before I set out to accomplish anything. This is how I end my Cold War of self chastisement and free myself to create and live in the freedom of purpose.

We can not try to be who we already are. Being who we are is how we build and grow into who we hope to be. Trying will ensure that we miss the one thing we can do something about : Being.     

Do Not Give Up

Suicide became a recurring shadow within my mind shortly after I entered high school. My mind has always wrestled to boil all of existence down into a palatable solution; An understanding of life that I can resolve and be at peace with (what a burden to take on within oneself). The perpetual struggle to accomplish this out of my own will power led me down a nihilistic road at the intersection of destruction and purpose.

The idea of not existing felt comforting inside a body and life I felt I could never quite come to terms with, even at a young age. These thoughts and feelings have trailed me like a dark passenger up until even a few weeks ago at twenty seven years of age. 

There is a history of suicide and depression on both sides of my family. We inherit the byproducts of our forefathers (and mothers) decisions and conditions. 

I have always felt a certain relation to the torment that led to my family members vacating the earth unnaturally. 

I have learned through fighting this darkness that I am exposed to the same voice of deception that they were. 

We must be aware of the familial legacies we are connected to. What we have been passed down and what we are passing on with and through our own lives. 

The direction of our family line can change with us. Our lives can change and that has the power to redefine what our entire family stands for. 

I took a somewhat passive approach to killing myself slowly by becoming dependent on alcohol for several years in my early to mid twenties. I employed alcohol as a means of destruction and punishment because I didn’t have the guts to truly live or really die. My drinking was an external product (a symptom) of my inner self hatred. 

By an Act of God I was able to quit drinking, get sober, and have now stayed sober for one year and three months. 

Yet the shadow still attempts to taunt me.

I am unsure if the temptation to give up will ever completely go away but I can tell you that God has impressed a mission upon my being that has led me to wage war against the voice that attempts to sway me into total defeat. 

In the darkest place of my soul where I am an incapacitated victim is the exact place where there is the greatest potential for light and healing. It is the precise location where Jesus is meeting me. 

I have journeyed to this depth with God instead of a substance. I have faced myself at my most human and sinful level and embraced who I found there rather than running in shame. I wasn’t able to get sober and give up destruction because I stopped loving alcohol but because I started loving myself in acceptance. 

My brokenness on a molecular level is what I am on this planet to display. The reasons why I have wanted to die are the very reasons why I must live. Once a wound is healed it can become a place of brokenness made strong by God that will tell our story in humility. 

I am on this earth to know and discover who I was made to be in complete vulnerability. I am in this life to be a man crushed and broken by the weight of God’s glory. Absolutely humbled so that I may be lifted up as a new being. Accepting this disposition and surrendering control will tell a story of hope that my own efforts to make sense of everything would have never accomplished.   

The worth a man finds and knows within himself is the measure by which he allows himself to be loved. 

I can not give up on life so that I may live to let God break me for the building of His kingdom.I will not give up and you must not either.

Not Numbing The Human Experience

To be human is to be conscious. We experientially perceive our existence. This renders us aware of a vast emotional landscape formed by the connection of our hearts, minds, and souls.  Mankind’s awareness brings about recognition of his need and so he seeks to fulfill these needs within the framework of nature and society. 

I believe the actual purpose for existing delves beyond the mere function of our physical and emotional infrastructures. 

The experience of being a human is about discovering oneself; journeying to know and understand ourselves as specific individuals, as created beings, and as part of creation wholly. To be known by ourselves and by God through our consciousness, awareness, and fulfillment of needs.  

God created us with an inherent need to know who we are and implanted a sensory longing for eternity within us. When focused in the right direction, this need can draw us into a healthy state of self-recognition. Once we are in this state we can realize our place within the span of eternity and know how integral that makes the present.  

However, as we venture into this process of life and humanity we discover that being human can be a very uncomfortable and even painful ordeal. Flesh and spirit sparring against one another within the bridle of bone and brain. Man has always created war because he is at war within himself first. The conflict of self recognition is as ancient as our DNA. 

In the discomfort of reconciling oneself and striving to make sense of our existence mankind has been driven to seek the perfect way to numb it’s growing pains. Be it by the aid of substances, or in the acquisition of comfort, humanity is obsessed with numbing it’s exposure to the very life it inhabits. Escapism replaces living. 

When confronted with pain we numb our intelligence to pause the whole predicament from getting worse. We choose to be willfully ignorant instead of soberly and alertly walking through the pain. The vehicles of escapism only construct facades that keep reality dulled behind our chosen numbness. No situation can change, life can’t get better, if we numb ourselves to the circumstance that is happening to spur our growth. 

I really don’t know how much I progressed or grew as a person between the ages of 21-25 because I was heavily numbing myself with alcohol. The future was uncertain and pain was inevitable so I poisoned myself to beat life to the punch. I could have lived and died this way as many do. I eventually became so sick of living in the lie of being numb that I decided I must face the rest of my life sober and alert. Facing the pain of reality had to be better than being a complete victim of it. 

Alcohol was one of the ways I was numbing myself but we must know that sobriety is a choice to not use ANYTHING to escape. Not substances, people, relationships, the past, jobs, or lifestyles. 

In the hilariously overwhelming throws of our pain we must not give in to the temptation to opt out, by the means of any vice, before redemption has a chance. 

Being human is about using our consciousness to recognize and discover ourselves through oursensory capabilities. We were made to feel. The fact that we are able to experience pain is the exact justification for why we must allow ourselves to know it. 

The elation of joy is not knowable if we numb ourselves to the sculpting chisel of pain. We learn what we are made of when we soberly and alertly face the scalpel of this world and life. 

Numbness is the apathy that our refusal to understand breeds. We never learn our worth or realize our purpose when we continuously throw it out the window to stay numb. Our human worth and purpose is known through the patience of refinement. Numbness is always momentary and short sighted. Sobriety shapes a path into the long term that is forged by acceptance of our humanity. 

Once we allow ourselves to feel the experience of being human fully we will build the courage to be and stay alertly sober. To know that life is fleeting and passing so quickly, we do not have time to not be present. If we are not alert and sober then we risk the opportunity we have to know the purpose of our being and experience oneness with ourselves and God.   

Numbness is the enemy of our human experience. We either choose to be numb or choose to be human, there is no in between and we can not be both. Numbness isolates even in the midst of great company. Choose to be human and you will never be alone. 

Little Problems

Sometimes you have a little problem and you don’t fix it and then all of a sudden it ain’t a little problem any more.” Cormac McCarthy, No Country For Old Men

 

A stick of dynamite starts out as absorbent earth soaked in nitroglycerin. 

What was once inactive dirt now has the authority to destroy.

Things in life happen to us and these things bring their friends like unwanted company. These matters of life can be issues, disagreements, fights, poor choices of our own, tragedies, or maybe even acts of God. 

The event horizon at which these things occur is what I like to call little problems

The dirt before the dynamite. 

We have to have something to sweep before it can go under the rug. 

The occurrence of a little problem is the exact moment when we need to buckle down and face it. Right then. This may not mean pulverizing a circumstance to our will but merely having a tough conversation. Opening up in the face of possible hurt instead of closing up in defense can diffuse a problem while it is still relatively small.   

Little problems tempt us to walk away and leave them for the other person, party, or God to clean up. This feels easier. It may even feel like justice for a small moment but this act of ignorance and fear is sowing a seed that will grow seemingly undetected to one day rear its ugly head when you think you are doing just fine. 

Walking away and refusing to confront what must be fixed is giving a circumstance that could be resolved and employed to make us wiser the authority to destroy down the road.  

We pour nitroglycerin into the dirt and then wonder how a stick of dynamite wound up lit in our hand. 

When we ignore something that has happened to us we don’t just block it out one singular time. It is a continuous act of ignorance every day that leads us to make choices in defense of what we think we can not deal with. This creates a series of bigger problems that become more and more difficult to block out. This vicious cycle becomes plain as day to everyone but us.  

If we are unwilling to have an honest conversation or confront a hurtful issue then we are forfeiting authority to these external situations. Future opportunities that are seeking to engage our potential can have the legs cut out from under them when we refuse to look at a problem for what it is.  

Our ignorance of a present issue can create a past that prohibits the future. 

The benefits of confronting a little problem outweigh the costs every single time. 

Communication, confrontation, and stark honesty are our guiding lights when trouble attempts togrow to tower and shadow the path.

Admitting that we are hurt, broken, knowing that we deserve healing, and allowing ourselves the time to heal is how we face what we once thought we could not handle. 

Being vulnerable in the midst of a broken world is a practice and fight that takes time to engrain. Vulnerability gives us the strength to be present in the exact moment a problem needs to be faced. Once we develop a stance of being actionably vulnerable it removes the power of every day affronts to become thorns in our side because we have burned the rug that we once cached our fear beneath. 

This does not ensure a life without hurt but it can make a life of healing possible. 

Little problems do not stay little for long and this is why we must never choose to stay hidden in the dark. Not even infinity has time to afford ignorance. So let’s not give it another moment to gain a foothold. 

Self Pity

"I never saw a wild thing

sorry for itself.

A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough

without ever having felt sorry for itself."

D.H. Lawrence

 

This poem has impacted my life and way of living markedly since I first stumbled upon it years ago. The imagery of a creature pure in nature living and dying with no pity. 

I do not know that you or I can honestly relate to this small bird and that is why it summons a deep intrigue within our guts. 

We can not relate because we have all pitied ourselves at some point (maybe even today). 

Imagine never knowing what it is like to feel sorry for yourself. Never second guessing your motives or feeling embarrassed by your expression. Never wishing for something you don’t already have. No more withdrawing from the opportunity to follow your calling. 

I observe the dimensions of nature constantly surrounding me. Birds effortless in their song, trees ever-reaching towards the source of their growth, and the deer grazing in community all without apology. 

These elements of nature may lack the consciousness to have the ability to feel pity but they are so singularly focused on the purposeful function of survival that they might not exercise the facility even if they had it. 

Nothing but an act of God distracts nature from it’s burgeoning progression. Even man’s development and commercialization of natural habitats has an impending sense of a losing battle. Nature will outlast us and our efforts. 

With inspiration from this poem I have set my mind to learn from nature and not submit to the luring temptation to pity my existence or circumstances. Mankind can so easily succumb to victimization and distraction. Being able to distinguish right from wrong can present quite a quandary when subjected to beings that have the luxury of selfishness. We can be so aware of the wrong in the world and how that personally has affected us that we become defunct in the overwhelm of realization. We become victims of our environments instead of purposeful contributors to them. 

I am unpacking these terms of the human agreement to hopefully locate the root of why we choose self pity when we possess more faculty than the beings that seem to not have time for such a choice. 

The human discernment of our stance in existence and what is right and wrong is the blessed responsibility of our consciousness. We must accept this responsibility and not let it become a weighted burden that drags us into a state of self pity. Our will is a powerful bastion that can become an internal weapon if not exercised. When we yield to apathy we grow a crop of pity. Self pity takes root in our refusal to acknowledge the neglect of our responsibilities here on earth as existential beings. We must acknowledge and uphold what is right and fight for these principles so that when circumstances brood to devalue our capabilities we are present enough to veto pities advance. 

I desire to be more like the bird in Lawrence’s poem. I long to resound within creation as harmonically as a crepe myrtle in bloom. With such an accepted understanding of my purpose that when presented with the choice to pity myself it is not even a consideration. No distraction can take root when we have accepted the responsibility of our purpose and are living in the mission of this call. When we are exercising our will and operating in purpose self pity is much more easily spotlighted as a fraudulent misconception.   

God created nature, and man within it, so that we might symbiotically glean wisdom from it’s purity. Nature is an example of harmonious cohabitation that thrives because not one of it’s constituents is feeling sorry about the occasion. 

How much more free and purposeful might our lives and endeavors be if we forewent self pity? God would not have placed us here if it were going to be one big reason to be sorry. 

I am determined to exercise my will and to decide to focus upon my purpose when self pity darkens it’s siren call.

Inertia

A singular moment in time is all it takes to make a decision.

A solitary instance in your life is all it takes to change.

You can not plan for this moment. It is the very breath you are in the midst of. 

If we do not act when the very pulse within us burgeons then we forfeit our spirit’s momentum unto the opportunity cost of inertia. We remain unchanged and inactive when we ignore the calling of our spirit. Inert. 

When we make the choice to change we release the flood gates of our unrealized potential. The energy we once employed to stay safe in sterilization is now free to compound within the purpose of reality. Reality is the crux and hinge of our purpose because it is the transpiring of the present. Our focus must be on what is elapsing right in front of our very eyes because this is where the opportunity for decision exists. Seeing things for what they really are and not what we would like for them to be gives us the clarity to be fully present within reality and the choices at hand.  

The very moment we use to give into an addiction is the same moment we could decide to quit. The same minute we use to think over a past defeat is the same time we could use to set a new goal in hope. I have been sober for 15 months because of a decision that took a matter of seconds to make and commit to.  It is simply a redirect of energy and focus. Training our minds to think in a new way, setting and engraining new thought patterns. Transformation happens when old thoughts and lies are abolished by the presence of our exercised will. This movement conquers inertia.

The time you are now taking to read this sentence is all it could take to decide to believe something new. To believe that you can change. To know that enacting change within yourself will begin to reshape your surrounding environment because you are perceiving it for what it actually is. 

When we allow ourselves to become inert our environments become dreaded capsules of blame. Everything is everyone else's fault because we are viewing life from a window beside an early deathbed. But we aren’t dead or even dying quite yet. Choosing to succumb to inertia is like walking around with a blindfold over our eyes that we tied around our head and cursing the curb when we trip over it. We are the only ones that can remove the blindfold and accept responsibility for the blindness we have chosen to live in. 

Reality is inevitable. Reality is a river forging pathways through new and undiscovered territory. We must be aware and accepting of reality as it stands and moves so that we are always ready to make the decisions it requires. An active stance towards our lives unfolding, rather than hiding behind the fear that everything ahead will be just like what has already happened, is freedom. 

Using this moment and the moment that will follow once you are done reading to look reality in the face and make the decision to no longer ignore the beckon of your spirit, to change and risk for newness is what you must do. 

No one else will change for us. The work is ours to do and there is joy in the growing pains of becoming a life that never ceases growing. 

Inertia can be defeated by a baby step. 

Don’t let another day pass without making the decision you have kept swept under the rug. We were built for reality. Let’s take it and run with it towards the setting sun abandoning the fear of what tomorrow might bring. We will be ready to face it with the means to choose what is right.