Life, Right Now

What is a man’s life to him before it leaves him? 

Is it ever known or perceived for what it truly is? Or is life only understood once it has passed?

Is life possible of being held or is it a notion only witnessed in retrospect?

I am constantly grappling with my own understanding of life and determining the balance between joy and burden here on earth.  

I believe joy is realized and experienced in the present moment, taking hold of the only thing we actually have. I know that living in the past and/or dwelling too much on the uncertainty of the future creates the weight of burden. 

I have learned both sides of this coin well from experience.

If true joy and satisfaction are within the present moment why would we ever look elsewhere or go beyond the parameters of right now

Man has always exhibited a dissatisfaction with reality as it stands. We obsess over creating technology and products to “enhance” our experience of and interaction with reality. 

Because we are fleeting beings and our time here in this realm is short we can tend to feel scolded by the things that will outlast us instead of seeking to learn from them. 

Reality is ever elapsing and our appetites for understanding are stretched to pop the seems of consciousness. 

Man can tend to think if he isn’t in control of his own dying day then something must be very wrong with the world at large. This is why we struggle to build, earn, conquer, race, prove, and last in this environment of life. We just want to feel like for a moment that we aren’t a wisp of smoke in the universe. 

So we search everywhere but the one place our own two feet are planted for fulfillment. I believe this is why we can look up and a year has come and gone and we’ve barely made it up and gotten our britches on all the way. 

Our focus is on what we can’t change. 

Leave the inevitable to infinity. If I am going to die and there’s nothing I can do about it then I want to get after some living right now.  

I am not saying that I think I will ever possess a clear understanding or explanation for what life is. What I am saying is that I do understand very well that my life is on it’s way to an end but I am here right now. The horizon is the horizon because it is beyond me. The grandeur of the beyond professes perfect gravity into the present. 

If I let God be God then I can leave the burden of eternity to Him and take joy in the fact that I am human instead of nothing. If I am indeed but a wisp of smoke then panicking will only make my moment under the sun more fleeting instead of a waking revelation of creation. 

Life is right this very second and I am human more than Ive ever been. In knowing this I desire to see my existence for what it is. I don’t want to have to bend over ass backwards at the end of my days to try to catch a glimpse of what happened to me.

I want to be right now what I am so afraid I will miss down the road. 

When my life leaves me I want to laugh heartily with the peace of a man who saw life for what it was. A man who lived life for what is was worth. A man not quaking in fear of the final moment because I could have done more. 

I will be what I am when I find joy in the space between the seconds. I don’t have to take on the burden of the unknown because joy begets joy. This moment and all we know is passing and I will choose to smile that forever is right here and not yet all at once. We must choose to let go control of our passing and resist the temptation to cling on to this world in fear so that we may be open to the realization of our true nature and purpose.

We will no longer be dissatisfied with reality when we cease our efforts to stay ahead of it. 

Life is the hope of an enduring city that is to come. Take joy that the horizon knows precisely where it stands and it will harken our spirits to know what only we can in this moment as passersby in a strange land.